yeggo and lainie

yeggo was a homeless bum. he was sitting on a bench at a bus stop, eating a glazed donut. lainey came along. lainey was a hot young chick with long legs and long blonde hair. she took her place beside the sign saying “bus stop” and took her phone out of her purse and began tapping on it. hey sweetie, yeggo called to her, why don’t you come over here and sit beside me. your nice long legs will get tired standing up like that. fuck you, you smelly bum, lainey replied, don’t talk to me or i’ll call the police. aw, i bet if you turned around and smiled you would like nice. although i do like that ass. lainey did not respond, but continued tapping on her phone. you know, yeggo said, we are really a lot alike. we are both human beings. this got a laugh out of lainey. i bet other people could not even tell us apart, yeggo persisted. yeah, right. i’m calling the cops right now, smelly bum. let’s try it, we will ask the next person who comes along. a man in a yankees cap came along. hey, yeggo called to the man in the yankee cap, which of us is dick and which is jane? can you tell? suck my dick, the man in the yankees cap replied, and walked past. next harold watersten, a professor of moleculat anthropology at nyu, came along. which of us is dick and which is jane, yeggo asked again. i’m just a poor jew, the professor told him, ask a fucking expert. and he walked on. next queen elizabeth came along, accompanied by her royal guard. yeggo asked the question again. but the royal guard stuck his bayonet in yeggo’s face and the queen walked on without replying. stuck up bitch! yeggo shouted after her. i only asked a question. next spot came running along. who’s dick and who’s jane? yeggo shouted at him, but the little dog sped past, barking happily. and then mary poppins came running along, chasing spot, and holding her hat on her head to keep it from blowing off. but she was running so fast that yeggo did not have time to shout his question. all the while lainie was looking at her phone. where are the goddamned cops, she asked, or the bus? just then the bus pulled up and stopped. the driver, ralph kramden, got off the bus. sorry folks, he told lainie and yeggo, this bus is out of commission. you can guess what happened next. how about you? can you tell yeggo and lainie apart?