Thursday, December 26, 2013


i've been alive for a billion years
i've seen and done it all

i've been a brontosaurus
i've been an arctodus simus
i've been a tick
i've been a butterfly

i've been a world renowned chef
i've been a hostess who knew everyone in town
i've been roasted with an apple in my mouth
i've been a steak and cheese sub with a side of onion rings

i've been born to be hanged and hanged to be born
i've ridden through paris in a rolls royce and been cheered by adoring throngs

i've sat on a throne of gold under blue skies and surveyed my empires
i've been whipped through the mud with a 300 pound stone on my back to build pyramids
i've been burnt at the stake
and jumped out of a cake

i've been a man
i've been a woman
i've been a faggot
i've been a dyke

i've sacrificed pythons to moloch
i've jacked off in the back seat of trailways buses at four in the morning passing through elko wyoming

i have one thing to say to you
one word to say to you


women get penetrated

no matter how many needles you get stuck in you
no matter how many knives you get stuck in you
no matter how many dicks you suck
no matter how many dicks you take up the ass

only women get penetrated

women get invaded by alien life forms
women get possessed

i know
i've been there a million times
i've seen and done it all

i've been to the river and back
and washed a billion diapers

Monday, December 16, 2013

poem 100

i love a monsoon
especially in romantic rangoon
with a bodacious baboon
tapping his toes to a tranquil tune

i love a hurricane
on the stormy coast of maine
with doctor abel and mister cain
watching the rambunctious rain

i love a typhoon
it can never come too soon
on a lazy afternoon
with my favorite raccoon

i love a tsunami
it would mean so much to me
in a shack in the stormy sea
i would finally be free

Saturday, December 14, 2013


i spread my ass that wasn't tight enough
for a dick that wasn't big enough
in a bathhouse that wasn't steamy enough
on a street that wasn't dark enough

in a neighborhood that wasn't rough enough
in a city that wasn't destroyed enough
patrolled by police that weren't murderous enough
and soldiers that didn't have big enough dicks

in a country that wasn't liberated enough
by a bomb that didn't destroy enough
in an orgasm that didn't reverberate enough
across a sky that wasn't black enough

in a world that wasn't free enough
in a galaxy that wasn't invaded enough
in a cluster that wasn't fucked enough
in a universe that wasn't expanding enough

suddenly lights and sirens went off everywhere
the gentleman,
or maybe he was a thug or a gorilla,
who had been fucking me

pulled his dick out with a slurping pop
and ran away
shouting "payday! payday! "
as i scrambled to find my uniform pants

i found them in a puddle
of something nasty
but i put them on
and felt a burning sensation

in my copacetic embryo
that didn't have enough good to go
i suddenly wasn't hungry enough
to look for the right stuff

beneath a bridge that wasn't wide enough
across a river that didn't roll enough
to an ocean that wasn't deep enough
beneath a moon that wasn't full enough


but where was joey?
where was the boy who brought me here?
where was my white dress?
where was my name tag?

where was my limo?
where was my driver?

Friday, December 13, 2013


harry often scratched his balls
because they itched like niagara falls
joey picked his nose a lot
and by miss jones was often caught
and jenny farted night and day
because it was her uncouth way

i did it my way
because i had a pair of brass balls
every dog has its day
and when the last judgment falls
the last little dogie will be caught
in the last roundup's windblown empty lot

tony liked betty a lot
he was impressed by her stuck up way
in her web of alluring deceit he was caught
he wished she would tickle his balls
between his drunken slips and falls
that would surely make his day

eddie woke up every day
and felt ennui and despair a lot
yes, into every life some hard rain falls
and failure always finds a way
to bust a hopeful hero's balls
like a fly in a puddle of ketchup he is caught

don't worry about getting caught
we'll get you sprung some day
the big guy's got the system by the balls
in his own peculiar way
he thinks about you a lot
the way the cookie crumbles and wichita falls

everybody takes their falls
when its their time to get caught
it is just nature's way
please mister judge, have a nice day
i think about cherry jo a lot
and her tits like basketballs

i dreamed i caught some ping pong balls
as snow falls in the parking lot
the old fashioned way on christmas day