no, don’t run away
i have something to tell you
something very important
something that must be said
it is just this - just this -
life has no meaning!
yes, you heard me -
i said it and i am glad
the truth is out now
i am sorry, deeply sorry
if ii have destroyed your life
and forced you to face reality
but i could not help it
i have had it burning within me
all these long years
i could not hold it in any longer
i just could not
and now it is out
and you will just have to do the best you can
he was sitting on a bench at a bus stop, eating a glazed donut.
lainey came along.
lainey was a hot young chick with long legs and long blonde hair.
she took her place beside the sign saying “bus stop” and took her phone out of her purse and began tapping on it.
hey sweetie, yeggo called to her, why don’t you come over here and sit beside me. your nice long legs will get tired standing up like that.
fuck you, you smelly bum, lainey replied, don’t talk to me or i’ll call the police.
aw, i bet if you turned around and smiled you would like nice. although i do like that ass.
lainey did not respond, but continued tapping on her phone.
you know, yeggo said, we are really a lot alike. we are both human beings.
this got a laugh out of lainey.
i bet other people could not even tell us apart, yeggo persisted.
yeah, right. i’m calling the cops right now, smelly bum.
let’s try it, we will ask the next person who comes along.
a man in a yankees cap came along.
hey, yeggo called to the man in the yankee cap, which of us is dick and which is jane? can you tell?
suck my dick, the man in the yankees cap replied, and walked past.
next harold watersten, a professor of moleculat anthropology at nyu, came along.
which of us is dick and which is jane, yeggo asked again.
i’m just a poor jew, the professor told him, ask a fucking expert. and he walked on.
next queen elizabeth came along, accompanied by her royal guard.
yeggo asked the question again.
but the royal guard stuck his bayonet in yeggo’s face and the queen walked on without replying.
stuck up bitch! yeggo shouted after her. i only asked a question.
next spot came running along.
who’s dick and who’s jane? yeggo shouted at him, but the little dog sped past, barking happily.
and then mary poppins came running along, chasing spot, and holding her hat on her head to keep it from blowing off. but she was running so fast that yeggo did not have time to shout his question.
all the while lainie was looking at her phone. where are the goddamned cops, she asked, or the bus?
just then the bus pulled up and stopped.
the driver, ralph kramden, got off the bus.
sorry folks, he told lainie and yeggo, this bus is out of commission.
you can guess what happened next.
how about you?
can you tell yeggo and lainie apart?
a styrofoam cup
in the same wind
a leaf shakes on a branch
above a park bench
but stays on the tree
and a bus arrives
with three passengers on it
one looks out the window
another reads a newspaper
the third stares at his own feet
the new passenger
takes a seat
and takes a snickers bar out of his pocket
and begins to unwrap it
as the wheels of the bus
roll over the dead bird
but miss the styrofoam cup
a pigeon landed on the roof
juan delivered a pizza
willie delivered an american grinder with fries
maurice got up
then went back to bed
then maurice got up again
maurice remembered carol
i’ll kill hat bitch, he said to himself
actually he said it aloud, but nobody heard him
down the hall jack got up
then he went back to bed
juan delivered another pizza
willie took a break and called charlene
a bird flew across the sky
and then another
an ant crawled across the sidewalk
this is just a small sample
people say life is mysterious
but what is so mysterious about it?
kittens no longer climb up trees
or butterflies float on the breeze
grandma’s recipe for cherry pie
is lost and forgotten (sigh)
i fear that since i saw you last
the present has destroyed the past
humans have run out of room
and are ruled by an empire of doom
i have to say this makes me sad
you were the only child i had
living in the only universe
and things are steadily getting worse
i can’t remember, though i try
if i was the kitten or the butterfly
if you were the tree i climbed
or only the blue sky i left behind
you didn’t even
when i went outside
when i spoke
you were always behind me
in broad daylight
and when the sun went down
and pizza shops
bars and movie theaters
i traveled the earth
trying to lose you
by plane, by bus
by foot on dusty roads
by boat, on subways
on roller coasters and ferris wheels
once, in a canoe
which did not overturn
my every conversation
my every thought
when i “met”
someone on line
you always showed up
“in real life”
i don’t know
what i was thinking
i give up
let me buy you a drink
i know all about
love and hate
i used to wait on the corner
for the school bus
cars went by
in the wind and rain
there was a police lady
who directed traffic
she had red hair
and a blue uniform
with a blue cap
and i loved her
and there was a newsstand
run by an old man
and he was ugly
and i hated him
so don’t tell me
i don’t know
about love and hate
i learned early